life of faith

“My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God’s word defines truth. My feelings are echoes and responses to what my mind perceives. And sometimes—many times—my feelings are out of sync with the truth. When that happens—and it happens every day in some measure—I try not to bend the truth to justify my imperfect feelings, but rather, I plead with God: Purify my perceptions of your truth and transform my feelings so that they are in sync with the truth.

That’s the way I live my life every day. I hope you are with me in that battle.”

- John Piper, Finally Alive, pages 165-166

i’m feeling blessed by the little acts of encouragements, prayers and help received during this time of ultimate stress, where everything seems to be going haywire, even my laptop has decided to slow down and take a break. it has been a trying time, and i broke down a few nights each time i think about my progress and i don’t seem to be heading anywhere. but nonetheless, thank God for every divine opportunity to receive His love as such, when people just appeared to offer me practical help. i know He is with me, and He will provide and make a way. i’m going to do this dissertation by faith and with His grace!

celebrate each day, it’s a gift =)

i’ve been wanting to post something related to missions, especially recently when the term ‘rethinking missions’ has been on my mind. and after today’s missions service, there were some reflections and thoughts. i guess it’s been something close to my heart since year 1, and today, it was a revisit for myself in how i view missions.

i remember that when i was in year 1, i came into the uni ministry being very fervent about missions. at that point of time, i just came back from a life-changing short term missions trip, and there was a lot of excitement about going overseas and impacting the world. i had experienced God greatly during my trip (it was only 8 days but so much was learnt), and i was very zealous about going for future missions, and told myself that i would want to use my 4 years of uni life to build my foundation and equip myself to be a missionary.

then along time, there was some wavering of this passion. there were times when i felt silly thinking about myself going for missions, feeling inadequate and doubtful about opportunities to do so, and questioning my heart’s motives and practical issues like financial providence, career, family, etc. it felt that missions was a very far off option to me. it felt like a dream, something which after a while, i grew to put it aside and not touch that topic unless people talked about it. afterall, not everyone in the ministry was exposed or aware of missions and there were not many people to share the burden with. i felt out of place thinking about it, at least during this time, and decided to suppress some of these thoughts and desires.

but deep within, i knew that the seed of missions was planted without no reason.

somehow, God taught me about reconciling missions with where He has placed me currently. the very place where i am at is my missions field, it is not about the place, where i’m going. it is about loving God wherever i am, serving Him and His people. it is not even what i can do for Him, whether i can plant churches or do something great out of singapore. it is about understanding what He is doing in my life, as i grow in my relationship with Him and be transformed in His likeness more and more.

i’ve also taken a more practical approach to missions. i may not be talking about it the whole day, but there were some things which i tried, such as taking up a third language (japanese, which i stopped after a while due to busyness and cost), and i also attended missions conferences and japan prayer groups now and then to understand what’s going on in the missions field, met up with missionary friends, subscribed to missions emails detailing prayer needs and situations. i think all these are great, it helps me to look beyond where i am, and to constantly be aware of what God is doing in the world, to take a step out of my current situation and what is overwhelming me, and to know the greatness of God’s work throughout the world.

so now, i’m contented with where i am at, not dreaming away of whether i’ll go overseas and what i’ll be doing there. but i know that one question stands, and that is if God calls me now, would i be ready to go? how would i have prepared myself in going should there be an open door one day? i hope that when God calls me, i would be ready to answer the call obediently, to say, “here i am, send me.”